Cedar Point > Kings Island

Some think the annual battle of Ohio involves the Browns and the Bengals — orange and brown versus orange and black.

But if you really look at a state map, you’d realize the true rivalry — Cedar Point versus Paramount’s Kings Island.

Either your heart lies with the big fish — Cedar Point in Sandusky, just a short drive from Cleveland — or you go for the underdog — Kings Island in Mason, just a stone’s throw from Cincinnati.

Now that Cedar Fair LP, the company that owns Cedar Point, has gobbled up Kings Island from Paramount, there is anticipation that change is on the horizon at the Kings Island.

Before that happens, we thought we’d compare the two parks.

Two reporters — one a Cleveland native whose veins pump crystal clean Lake Erie water and the other a Miami Valley native whose heart beats like the crashing waves of the Ohio River — visited Ohio’s largest amusement parks in two days to determine which park reigns.

Stephanie Irwin: I can’t believe you just called Kings Island the underdog.

Amelia Robinson: The truth is the light, and I was trying to be nice. Cedar Point would whomp on Kings Island in a fist fight. Compared to Cedar Point, Kings Island is wick, wick wack.

SI: You’re so totally biased. You said that before we even walked in the gate. I hate to tell you this, but Cleveland does not rock.

AR: Yeah, it does. There’s a song about it rockin’, and music never lies. As a bonus, Sandusky rocks harder than Mason ever could.

SI: You wish.

AR: Kings Island is like a quick-fix convenience store. Cedar Point is like a Jungle Jim’s or a Meijer Supercenter. You go to the Point when you really want to get the job done.

SI: Oh, please. Cedar Point is a vast concrete wasteland with zero character and ambience.

AR: No ambience? Are you kidding? If a Great Lake, sea gulls, geese and a beach are not enough ambience to float your boat, I fear for your soul. If I remember correctly, you wowed over the sight of glorious Lake Erie as we climbed 240 feet up the Power Tower before being thrust down.

SI: Yeah, that’s the point — you can only see the lake from the top of a roller coaster, so who cares? Lake Erie is not that glorious. And you covered your eyes the whole time we were on Power Tower anyway, big baby.

AR: True, but I didn’t cover my eyes when I was on Kings Island’s coasters because none of the rides — besides the Beast — scared me. Isn’t scary the point? The trees and that giant fountain were scarier than the rides at Kings Island.

SI: Not scary, huh? I’m gonna need surgery in my right ear from your hollering. Besides, the point is thrill, not scary. Though, I think the drop on the Millennium Force made me pass out a little.

AR: That thing is taller than the Statue of Liberty and it drops you down at what feels like a million miles per hour. The Top Thrill Dragster is even taller.

SI: I’ll give you this: Cedar Point does have more roller coasters. But that doesn’t matter if you’re not into them. Kings Island has more to offer for everyone else, like kids. These parks are family destinations. The Nickelodeon Universe was rated “Best Kids Area in the World” — yes, the world — by Amusement Today magazine. Plus, quantity does not equal quality — the Corkscrew is the lamest roller coaster I’ve ever been on.

AR: What are you talking about? Readers of that very same magazine last year named Cedar Point the “Best Amusement Park in the World” for the eighth consecutive year. The park has three of the top 10 steel roller coasters in the world and it has better and more for kids — four kids areas in all. Kings Island’s Scooby-Doo Haunted Castle was fun, but otherwise the Island is too commercial. I would much rather a kid play in Cedar Point’s Kiddy Kingdom or take a ride in the Junior Gemini Children’s Area than hang out in the Nickelodeon Universe. For goodness sake, they renamed the Beastie the Fairly Odd Coaster. As for the Corkscrew, if it was so lame, why were you screaming your head off when we went down that first hill?

SI: That wasn’t screaming, that was laughing — one long laugh.

AR: Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

SI: Cedar Point is three hours away. ’Nuff said.

AR: Cedar Point is worth the drive. Let’s do a little math here: It takes about three hours to make the trip to Sandusky. Cedar Point has 16 roller coasters. Sixteen divided by three is 5.333. That’s more than five roller coasters for every hour of travel. How many roller coasters does the Island have again?

SI: Kings Island has more beer.

AR: Are there so few things to do at Kings Island that people must drink? Besides, Cedar Point had plenty of beer located in neat little discrete buildings away from children. You got so excited when we found the old-fashioned saloon.

SI: So, so biased.

AR: Whatever! Which was your favorite dangly feet ride, and be honest?

SI: The Power Tower at the Point. Because you sit there at the top for what feels like 20 minutes before they finally drop you long enough to look down and see your imminent death. And which was your favorite wooden coaster?

AR: I love the Mean Streak at Cedar Point because it feels like history and I love the Blue Streak because it is blue. But for sheer terror, I have to go with the Beast at Kings Island. The thing is 25 years old and still puts fear in humankind.

SI: That’s right, respect The Beast. Built in 1979 and still in Guinness World Records as the longest wooden coaster in the world — and it was ranked the top classic coaster of all time by USA Today. I’ll take one Beast for all the coasters in Cedar Point.

AR: Since you want to throw around stats, Cedar Point was named the “Best Park for Thrills” and “Park with the Best Bang For Your Buck” in a Theme Parks Magazine readers’ Choice Awards.

SI: Remember, you were raving about the backwards ride on the Racer.

AR: Yeah, riding the Racer backwards was fun, but the Gemini was better when it comes to two dual-track coasters. There is nothing better than mocking your friends on the red roller coaster as you speed by in the blue one.

SI: Yeah, the Gemini gets some points for looking your friend in the eye across the track as you crest the hill yelling, “See ya later, sucker.”

AR: You got that right, sucka! Kings Island is fun, but it doesn’t make much sense. The food was great, but what does Bubba Gump Shrimp Shack have to do with Oktoberfest? I didn’t see any bratwursts on their menu.

SI: Kings Island has better uniforms. At least the kids there don’t have to wear Catholic school shorts.

AR: You’ve got me there. Cedar Points uniforms are busted, but it’s not like Kings Island’s workers were fashion models. Besides, Cedar Point’s visitors were hotter. Maybe we just went to Kings Island on a bad day. What was with all of those bikini tops and gigantic bellies? You have to give the Point a point in the look great, less filling category.

SI: I got nuthin.’ You win on that one. Kings Island should have the same rule as the Point: “Swimwear must be properly covered.” Look, you’ve already made up your mind. I haven’t made up mine. I guess that if I’ve got kids with me, I’m going to Kings Island. Why? There’s more food and games for kids, and if it rains you’re not stuck in Sandusky with a three-hour ride home. But for roller coaster freaks, Cedar Point is King.

AR: Good grief, Irwin. Get to the point and ride on.

Copyright 2008 Lebanon Western Star/The Western Star. All rights reserved.