Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sun Room tells the story of Passover
The Passover Story by Emmett L.
Once upon a time in the desert of Egypt, there was a king and the Jewish people. The Pharaoh wanted to build very big pyramids, but there was one Jewish person that didn’t like that. His name was Moses. He did not like how Pharaoh was working the people so hard. And he was angry because every day Pharaoh was working the Jewish people so hard. So one day Moses went to Pharaoh and he knocked on the door, bang, bang, bang. And the Pharaoh opened the door and he said, “What are you doing at my palace? What’s wrong?”. And then Moses said, “Why do you keep working the Jewish people so hard? If you keep lying 10 times, then 10 big giant plagues will come.” Then that day he was lying and a big thing happened. The light of the sun went out.
The people leaved Egypt. But they didn’t have time to rise their bread so they packed it in their backpacks and they were so tired when they got home. And they opened their backpacks and do you know what they found? Matzoh!
There was a mean king. And his name was Pharaoh. He wanted Jewish people to build big pyramids. The Jewish people were tired from building the pyramids. The Pharaoh said, “You need to build even more pyramids!”. He told his guards to come. The next morning he heard a strange sound and when he woke up, there were frogs. The next morning he heard a strange sound and there were bugs flying all over the place. The next morning there were so much animals from the jungle. Moses told the Pharaoh that if he didn’t let them free, big big 10 plagues would happen. Then the Jewish people left Egypt.
Once upon a time Pharaoh worked all the Jewish people. They were sad because they didn’t want to work so hard. And then Moses went to Pharaoh’s castle. He said, “If you don’t stop working the Jewish people so hard, something bad’s gonna happen. Dark and animals and rain!”. Pharaoh kept making the Jewish people work. They leaved Egypt. Then when they went home, they opened their sacks and... matzoh!
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Egypt there was a mean king named Pharaoh. He made the Jewish people work very hard. He didn’t let them go to sleep. He wanted the Jewish people to build pyramids and carry heavy, heavy bricks and heavy wood. He didn’t let them leave Egypt. He made them work every day and every night. Moses had to knock on Pharaoh’s door and he said, “If you don’t stop working the Jewish people so hard, something bad will happen that you won’t like.”
Something green came and frogs were jumping everywhere. Jump! Jump! Jump! Pharaoh ran to Moses and said, “Take them away!”. Then Pharaoh kept working the Jewish people very hard. The next day, darkness came and Pharaoh couldn’t see, or his helpers. Only the Jewish people could see. Then Pharaoh said, “Take the darkness away!”. He kept working the Jewish people harder and harder, he yelled. Then another plague came: hail. The next morning, hail came. Pharaoh said, “Take that hail away!”, then he kept working the Jewish people harder and harder. Then another plague came: flies. They were buzzing everywhere, bzzzz, bzzzz.
The Jewish people wanted to leave and Pharaoh said, “You can leave quickly before I change my mind.” So they packed their dough quickly and they ran out to a new land. They went to a new house. And they lived happily ever after.
Once upon a time there was a mean king and his name was Pharaoh. He didn’t let the Jewish people leave the desert. He made them build the pyramids. And when they were gonna leave, Pharaoh and his helpers wanted them to stay. Moses wanted the mean king and his helpers to stop working the Jewish people so hard. Pharaoh made them keep working. And then a bad, bad thing happened. Frogs were jumping everywhere.
When Pharaoh was gonna put his stick up, the water opened up and they crossed, but the mean king wanted them to stay. And the water closed. And the Jewish people got away.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
So it has come to this: The makers of three different wearable blankets arguing, in the New York Times, over who pioneered this obesity-accelerating technology. We are truly a pathetic nation.
Direct sleeved blanket sales are apparently one of the few strong and growing sectors of the U.S. economy. From nothing at the start of 2006, the QVC-hawked Slanket topped $4 million in revenue and hopes to more than double that this year. Snuggie has sold 4 million $20 blankets since October alone, according to the Times story.
Buying the blankets, presumably, are all those laid off workers with extra time on their hands, along with shut-in homeowners depressed over impending foreclosure.
For those people, Slanket inventory Gay Clegg has a message: The Snuggie is shit.
A snowboarder who has competed professionally, Mr. Clegg, 29, grows a scruffy beard between QVC appearances and has a laid-back, surfer-dude attitude, reflected in the Slanket's motto: "Spread the Warmth." But the Snuggie leaves him cold; he calls it a "cheap knockoff" that "undermines the integrity" of his Slanket.
"Knockoff," eh? Well a Times investigation (about time!) has revealed a certain Freedom Blanket, which went on sale eight months before the Slanket and three and a half years before the Snuggie. The ripoffs have quite possibly made a child cry:
Hey Iannuzzi: It's not your competitors' fault that you didn't notice the recession suddenly made TV advertising time cheap enough to sell ridiculous products to neo-invalids all night. But that's not the lesson you should pass on to your daughter. Instead, tell her you will never again make the mistake of underestimating America's hunger for products that help fully realize fat slobdom."My daughter sees it and says, ‘That's the blanket that mommy makes,' " Mr. Iannuzzi said. "As a father, I have to explain to my kid that that's how America works."
Monday, March 16, 2009
R.I.P. Stickbug
Question of the Day: What happened to the stickbug?
"It drank too much water?"
"Maybe it was walking under a tree and he bumped his head."
"It didn't die, it's just dead."
"How 'bout we take him to the hospital!"
"What if you put a stitch on him so he won't die again."
"Maybe he died because he was walking across the rug and someone stepped on him."
"But he's in a cage..."
"Maybe a stick bug walked on him."
"There's cars that drive over pigeons or birds."
"I think it fell off the table!"
"Maybe he got into danger and the person who was about to danger him stepped on him and he got dead."
"Maybe one of the bad guys shoot him."
"Maybe if we take it to the doctor... we should call the doctor."
"Maybe it went on the plant and it went into the dark, past the seed deep in the dirt."
"Maybe it went deep deep in the dirt and one of the stick bugs saw the hole where it went in, and covered the hole."
"Which month did it die in?"
"I think it died because it went in the dirt too much, all the way to the bottom."
"...And it couldn't breathe."
"Probably it died because it digged in the dirt."
"Maybe it eat too much leafs."
"Maybe it ate too much lettuce."
"If the stick bug went down deep in the hole, if some dirt covered the hole there would be nothing for the stick bug to eat or drink."
"Maybe if we spray him he won't be dead anymore."